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Dear Dr. Greene...
Dear Dr. Greene...

I am overly jealous when it comes to my husband and his "female" friends. How can I stop being this way its screwing up our relationship. Please Help!   ...Stacey

 
Dear Stacey ,

Jealousy, as you know, is about FEAR... not love. It is about the jealous person's fear of abandonment or, fear of not being good enough and has virtually no correlation to love. In fact, it is more like desperation than caring. The more jealous a person is the more desperate they are for someone to soothe their deep inner fears.

If you really want to attack this emotional "virus," then you are going to have to "vaccinate" yourself through learning how to SELF-SOOTHE your own fears rather than rely on someone else to calm your fears for you. You can approach this through admitting your fear, expressing your fear openly, understanding your fear, and then practicing relaxation in order to calm.

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Dear Dr. Greene...

 My husband and I have been married for a year, but we have been together for 10yrs. He has always known that I have wanted to have children. He has decided that he does not want children that he enjoys his independence to much. We love each other very much and we want to work this out. What can we do to resolve this situation?  ... Janet
 

Dear Janet,

Unfortunately, life provides some situations in which there are no fairytale endings and simple solutions. You and your husband are at opposite ends of a values and expectations dilemma. You want children and motherhood and he doesn't. Coercing him, nagging him, manipulating him, or wearing him down until he gives into your wishes is certainly a bad way to bring a child into this world. Unless you are willing to be childless, you will have to leave him and start finding a partner that wants fatherhood. Marriage counseling can help you both to express your thoughts and seek a mutually agreeable solution together.